Content Warning: Discussion of female anatomy, in graphic and unpleasant detail. Discussion of gynecological problems, in graphic and unpleasant detail. Description of medical abuse. Ableism, sexism, ageism, all of which are internalized, active, and institutional. Reminder: I refer to these things as “content warnings” rather than “trigger warnings,” because I do not take responsibility for the mental health of my readers, some of whom I do not know well. I have listed the warnings that jumped out at me, but I may have missed something. I do not take responsibility for knowing the inside of anyone’s mind other than my own. Also, all experiences are mine and mine alone, and may not be suitable for generalizing to any larger group.
The ten days before the surgery were rough.
As a disabled person, I rely on a number of treatments of different types, ranging from prescriptions to over the counter medications to holistic and herbal treatments, to keep myself able to complete even the most basic tasks. Unfortunately, a lot of those turned out to be restricted to one degree or another for the ten days before my operation.
I had to stop taking my over the counter painkillers, which were already the fallback from my insurance recently refusing to cover my prescription painkillers anymore.
I was not allowed to drink tea – and teas of various kinds have been an important part of my healthcare.
At five days before the surgery, I had to start showering with a very strong antibacterial soap called Hibiclens, which is one of the kinds of soap used by surgeons to wash up before operations. It felt vaguely like I was washing my skin off, even though I wasn’t having any of my very common allergic reactions.
At three days before the surgery, I had to start using vaginal douche solution. Even after warming it with my hands, it was cold enough that the process left me shivering for over an hour.
The day before the surgery, I was restricted to a liquid diet. I drank a lot of Gatorade, and had meals of straight chicken broth.
The night before the surgery, I had to use a laxative enema, to ensure that there was the maximum amount of room in my abdominal cavity, so that my gynecologist (who was also my surgeon) would have less risk of puncturing anything that wasn’t supposed to be punctured. This was about as unpleasant and gross as I expected, but at least didn’t last very long.
Altogether, I spent the last ten days waiting for the surgery feeling abraded inside and out, and the fact that I had been off of my birth control pills for a month at that point also meant that I was essentially in a constant state of PMS for the entire time.
Then my very last period hit, in the last week before the surgery. It became apparent that, while the pills were certainly not doing what they were supposed to in terms of regulating my cycle and making my periods bearable, they were still helping, because that was a bad one. I bled incredibly fast, for a long time. My cramps were absolutely awful, and I was pretty much bedridden for those five days. I was concerned more than once that I would have to go to the emergency room because of the speed at which I was bleeding, but it didn’t quite come to that.
(I think I unnerved my husband at least once, when he heard me yelling at my own reproductive system. “Do your worst, bitch. This is your last chance.”)
I had a lot of instructions, and I followed them to the letter. I also pretty much quarantined myself against disease. I have a depressed immune system, and if I became ill in the week before my surgery, it could be canceled. So every time I planned to see someone socially, I checked to see if they were feeling well, and if not, I apologetically put them off. Fortunately, my friends are awesome and understanding, and they realized how much I could not afford to risk this.
The night before my surgery, I was finally allowed to take painkillers, to have some of them in my system at the time of surgery. Because my surgery was at 7:30, I had to arrive at the hospital at 5:30, which meant getting up around 4am. I decided it was pretty much not worth going to bed. I have a sleep disorder, which means I sleep unpredictably. The day before, I napped at random, as I tend to do, and I napped some that night. I also packed an overnight bag, just in case I wound up staying at the hospital.
I couldn’t have slept if I tried. I was too excited. I have a lot of medical anxiety, from my history, but it was pretty much completely drowned out by my excitement.
Next entry will cover the surgery itself, and the aftermath.